The Masters Of Evil Order Takeout
by Griever
Summary: The Masters try to get some Chinese food with... you guessed it! Hilarious results!!


THE MASTERS OF EVIL ORDER TAKE OUT  
  
  
Characters:  
  
Baron Helmut Zemo  
Absorbing Man  
Blackout  
Bulldozer  
The Fixer (Techno)  
Goliath  
Grey Gargoyle  
Moonstone  
Screaming Mimi  
Thunderball  
Tiger Shark  
Mr. Hyde  
Piledriver  
Titania  
Whirlwind  
Wrecker  
Yellowjacket  
  
  
Part one: Getting in the van  
  
First, there was the problem of getting all the Masters of Evil into the van. The Wrecking Crew  
had basically obliterated the refrigerator, so it was up to Baron Helmut Zemo to find somewhere  
to eat. Luckily, Woo Ki Ching's All Day Chinese Takeout was open for business, and he had a  
coupon.  
"Everyone into the car!" shouted the Baron as the rest of the Masters of Evil stumbled toward  
the three-door mini-van.  
"I want the front seat!" whined Goliath as he attempted to shove the Grey Gargoyle out of the  
way. Moonstone snatched it up before him. "Dammit, Moonstone!" he cussed.  
Zemo hopped into the driver's seat and stuck the key into the ignition. He looked at the rest of  
the Masters of Evil. Moonstone was lounging comfortably beside him, her flowing blond hair  
sparkling in the sunlight. Absorbing Man was all the way in the back, scrunched in-between  
Titania and Wrecker. Bulldozer, Piledriver, and Thunderball struggled as they sat sharing a seat  
meant for two. Screaming Mimi, Whirlwind, and Tiger Shark were shoved into the very back,  
the trunk. Mr. Hyde must be hiding somewhere, he suspected. Bastard. The Fixer sat on the  
floor while Grey Gargoyle and Goliath fought for positions. Blackout shoved Wrecker over,  
crushing Absorbing Man more.  
"Does everybody have their seatbelt on?" asked Zemo in a motherly voice.  
"YYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS." replied a chorus of villain voices.  
"Then let's go!" shouted the Baron as he put the car into reverse, backed out of the driveway of  
the Masters of Evil, and sped off at a whopping twenty miles per hour.  
  
Part two: Waiting in line  
  
"Jeez! Who does this guy think he is? Hey, moron, give your freakin' order and  
MOOOVVVVVE!!!" yelled Moonstone angrily.  
Apparently, today was an especially busy day at Woo Ki Ching's All Day Chinese Takeout. The  
line was huge. Nothing was moving except for a squeamish Absorbing Man. There were ten cars  
in front of them.  
"That's it!!" shouted Bulldozer. He pulled the van's door open and ran up to the front car. With  
a grunt and a yell, he picked up the car and tossed it into oncoming traffic. Five other cars roared  
out of line.  
"Good job, Bulldozer. That's six less cars in our way," complemented Zemo as he drove up to  
the speaker to give the order.  
  
Part three: Ordering food  
  
"Okay, what does everybody want?" asked Helmut Zemo.  
"Pizza!" shouted Moonstone.  
"This is a Chinese restaurant, genius," replied Zemo.  
"Oh, getting all technical with me, eh?"  
"I vote for Kung Pow Chicken!" shouted Bulldozer.  
"No! Those delicious noodles!" remarked Techno.  
"Silence! I am the master of The Masters Of Evil, so I shall make the decision!!" screamed Baron  
Zemo.   
  
Part 4: Actually ordering the food  
  
"Hello. Welcome to Woo Ki Ching's All Day Chinese Takeout. How may I help you?" asked the  
static-like voice over the speaker.  
Baron Zemo enunciated clearly into the microphone. "I would like sixteen Woo Ki Ching Noodle  
Specials, sixteen Woo Ki Ching Magic Saucy Chicken Sandwiches, fifteen with sauce, one without,  
and sixteen sodas, six Sierra Mists, three Mountain Dews, two Pepsis, one Diet Pepsi, and four  
Cokes, and for the last order, a kiddies meal."  
Tiger Shark growled.  
The voice came back on. "So, uh, two Cokes and a Chicken Sandwich?"  
Zemo was staggered. "Wha-what? No, that's not right at all! Were you even listening?"  
"Well, to be honest," started the voice, "I was flirting with the deep fryer. She isn't wearing any  
underwear today."  
"Disgusting! Look, listen again! And get it right! You'd better be writing this down! Okay, here  
goes. I would like sixteen Woo Ki Ching Noodle Specials, sixteen Woo Ki Ching Magic Saucy  
Chicken Sandwiches, fifteen with sauce, one without, and sixteen sodas, six Sierra Mists, three  
Mountain Dews, two Pepsis, one Diet Pepsi, and four Cokes, and for the last order, a kiddies meal."  
"Okay, got it all. That'll be fifty-three dollars and eighty-three cents at the second window."  
The Baron hesitated. "Uh, does anyone have any cash? I only have forty bucks."  
Moonstone grumbled and handed him two-fifty. Tiger Shark pitched in eight dollars. Grey  
Gargoyle threw in another ten.  
"Good. Now, to the second window!!" shouted Zemo, ramming his foot down onto the gas and  
blasting the next five feet to the window.  
The holder of the previous voice turned to the window. Surprise! A sixteen-year old with bad acne  
and a lazy eye. "Okay. That's fifty-"  
"I know!!" yelled Zemo.  
The kid smiled. "Hey, are you guys going to a costume party or something?"  
"Uh, sure. Whatever. Now give us our food!!" said Baron Zemo with a tone of annoyance.  
The teen began hading over food and, after about ten minutes of handing stuff through the car  
window, The Masters Of Evil were ready to leave. As Zemo neared the exit to the busy streets, The  
Fixer spoke.  
"I believe it would be rather wise to check all of our food before leaving."  
"Your right, Techno. You can never be too careful." replied Zemo, parking in the lot. All the  
Masters Of Evil opened their bags and checked their food.  
"Hey! This isn't what I ordered!"  
"Mine's wrong too!"  
"ROAR!!"  
"Eww, sauce!"  
Baron Zemo was silent. Inside his mind was raging. Finally, he snapped. "THAT'S IT!!!!!" he  
shouted loudly, filling the car with his screams. "I'VE TRIED BEING REASONABLE ALL OF  
MY LIFE! ALWAYS PUTTING UP WITH THE LITTLE THINGS SO I COULD STRUGGLE  
BY! BUT THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW! MASTERS OF EVIL, NOW WE STRIKE!!!  
DESTROY WOO KI CHING'S ALL DAY TAKEOUT!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Part 5: The attack  
  
With those parting words of battle, the doors of the mini-van slammed open and the entire team of  
The Masters Of Evil rushed into the Chinese restaurant. Caught off guard by an army of agitated  
and hungry villains, the employees and customers of Woo Ki Ching's All Day Takeout were now at  
the mercy of The Masters Of Evil.  
"For America!!" shouted Captain America as he ran in through the door, followed closely by Iron  
Man and Thor. He rushed to the counter. "I need three Special Chinese Platters, pronto! And step  
on it- oh shit! The Masters Of Evil! Come on guys, lunch'll have to wait!"  
The three strongest avengers charged The Masters Of Evil. A battle like none had ever seen before  
was waged. Punches and kicks. Swings and misses. Hammers and lasers and flying shields were  
everywhere. But in the end, the majority won.  
As Baron Zemo stood over the battered bodies of the Avengers, sipping his cold Diet Pepsi, he  
smiled under his mask. He felt like he had released years of hostility that had been yearning to be  
free. He felt...happy.  
"Okay, Masters Of Evil, let's go home!" he laughed as they all piled back into the car, carrying bags  
of money and noodles.  
On the ride home, the Baron smiled again. hopefully it wouldn't become a habit. But he did have to  
admit, he had a lot of fun today.  
"Damn. I never used that coupon." 


End file.
